I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
