Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
