I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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