I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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