The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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