I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
