Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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