you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
