The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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