I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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