You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just high enough for therapy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
