Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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