Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
