how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
