If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
