K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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