There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
