Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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