Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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