My liver just broke up with me...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
