why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
