So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
