we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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