I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a beard to bite.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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