Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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