Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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