there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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