Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize