You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
