I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
