Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize