So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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