They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
