shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
