Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize