my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
