Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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