I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She bit a glass in half.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
