you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize