Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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