There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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