So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Someone shit on the floor
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
