I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
