Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
