i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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