wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize