i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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