oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
