just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
