How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Even my vagina gasped.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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