Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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