Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
