Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can I color on your dick again?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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