she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
