he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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