She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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