I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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