is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
