I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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