your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
