Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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