When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
