I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
