When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize