Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
